2024 was sorta wild for me. It came after a long time of frustration with myself, my job, the world, and on and on. I'd spent 2023 "getting in touch with my inner artist" and tirelessly throwing shit at the wall in an effort to make something, anything work. I started journaling, went back to therapy, got into meditation, and all that stuff felt so great in the beginning. But the joy of newfound awareness has a honeymoon phase-- it's one thing to see your problems clearly, but doing what it takes to solve them is a whole different beast.

As December rolled into January 2024, I almost felt worse than I did before, and something had to give. That "something" was me.

I started tracking & drastically reducing my drinking habits. I gave up on trying to do everything at once. I picked up a fiction novel that made me fall in love with writing again, and realize my creative priorities. I broke my longtime fear & resistance toward socialization, discovering that few things are more motivating than meeting other artists-- finding your people. I found that taking risks, even when you fail, allows other doors to be opened.

So I wanted to document the many things I learned this year, because December was yet again a pretty rough time for me in 2024. I don't want to forget or fail to appreciate the progress I've made, and I hope someone out there resonates with at least a little bit of it.

Things I learned in 2024:

• If you want to be good at something, you need to fall in love with the process of doing it first, even if you're "bad" at it
• All habits, especially healthy ones with benefits that take a long time to show, are formed through consistency over quality or quantity. If you want to start something, drastically lower your expectations for yourself, or eliminate them entirely-- doing the thing at all, regularly, is more important than how long or how much you do it. Make it easy. Make it manageable for you and where you're at. Make it a part of your life first, and challenging yourself will come naturally. HOWEVER
• Sometimes, trying to "fall in love with the process" will lead you to the creeping conclusion that maybe you just don't enjoy the thing as much as you thought you do or would. This can be a hard pill for us to swallow, especially if you have sunken costs, or fear the ramifications of "giving up." But sometimes, giving up is perfectly okay, because denying the truth will only lead to greater, more prolonged suffering. This applies to all relationships as well, including your family. Listen to your heart, your gut, your intuition, the quiet, calm, certain voice you can never seem to block out entirely. Learn its language and acknowledge when it speaks.
• Remote communication & online interaction are useful tools, but they'll never compare to the experience of being in the same room with another human being. It can be scary, and you could certainly get hurt, but the risk is always worth the reward. It is a human need that everyone has, whether you think you "need less" or not. It has psychological & physical benefits that are well-documented and yet still only partially understood. Struggles we have on our own suddenly become bearable, solvable, easier.
• Merit means much less than who you know. The more people you have in your circles, the more novel opportunities you'll find yourself with than anything a piece of paper could give you.
• Be open & honest with yourself about your boundaries, and live true to them as often as you can. Neglecting them benefits nobody except those who seek to exploit you, and whether you think so or not, it has subconscious effects on your own sense of worth. Protect them even if people will try to exploit you anyway. Even if it makes people upset. Being true to yourself is for you and your well-being, which makes you even more capable of giving love & energy to the people who actually matter.
• Unresolved trauma causes you to be in a constant, low-level state of anxiety until resolved. What's more: anxiety attacks & destroys nearly every biological system over time if left unchecked.
• All emotions & fears serve (or served) a purpose, no matter how irrational, destructive, or silly. They must be felt & acknowledged instead of suppressed & shamed. Feeling isn't wrong-- the actions you take as a result are what you control.
• If you want people to show interest in you, know that most other people also want that-- so show interest in them when you can. They may or may not reciprocate, but you can't always assume they won't, or that the worst will always happen if you do.
• That said, your emotional energy is limited & precious. Don't spend it on people or relationships who can't or won't reciprocate proportionally.
• Running from & rejecting the parts of yourself you dislike only makes them fight harder, have more power over you.
• If you don't know what to do, allow yourself to do nothing. Sit, and observe the present; it will give you an answer if you're patient enough.
• If you're frustrated with something, take a break from it, and come back later.
• Suffering = pain * resistance to pain. If you find you can't avoid pain (and you will), you can always reduce your resistance to it, because a constant times zero is always zero.
• All things end, all things change. The good and the bad, forever, over and over, in lesser or greater ways. It's what makes life worth living, instead of a prison. The more you accept & acknowledge these changes, the more you'll appreciate life.